On Twelve Hours

Today was an incredible day.
My parents are out of town until tomorrow afternoon, and as such i've had to take care of myself.
There was also a sectional youth rally in Tilton today, which we were going to take a bus to from the church:

The day started at effectively 11:00. That was after i'd fully woken up, taken the dog out, fed him, took a shower, etc.
I ate some pizza, finished glueing my speakers back together after re-foaming the surrounds, listened to the recording of last night's uturn, and did a little lazing around until about 2:00.
2:00 found at Somersworth's pumpkin fest.
Here's how that went:
I parked the car, walked around for about 5 minutes, then left again.

As I was leaving downtown somersworth, i decided that i didn't want to, or have reason, to go straight home.
So I spent half an hour or so perusing the backroads of somersworth, enjoying some alone time.
I thought, "how nice is this to just drive around?"

Little did i know what would come later.

After i got home, I did a little housekeeping on my music library, and started re-syncing my mp3 player.
While that was going on, i vacuumed the car, put the speaker box back together, and tried it out. I was pretty excited to leave for the sectional youth rally at 4:10.
Except my mp3 player wasn't done syncing, so i waited for it.
And waited.
And waited.

4:20 rolled by, and it wasn't done.
So i pulled the plug and drove to barrington.
The bus was supposed to leave at 4:30, so i hurried along, only to have to wait for forever for traffic on route 125.

I get to the church at 4:35, and the Indonesian's are like, "they just left!!"
So, using the amazing power of cell phones, i find out that the bus is not far away, except now i'd have to drive to tilton my meself.

I spent the next 45 minutes or so on and off the phone getting directions on where to go- and all the time trying to catch up with the group. At one point, we used the mile markers on the highway to see that we were only 4 miles apart. But the whole time, i never saw them.
I watched the oil temp gauge hit the halfway mark as i was going down the highway as fast as reasonably achievable in a ford taurus.
I got to the tilton church about a minute after them, and then the rally got underway.

The message that the preacher gave was about standing up for what's right.
At the end there was an altar call, and i sat in my chair for the whole time thinking.
I like going up at altar calls, except sometimes i have a hard time thinking about what to go for. I spent the entire time trying to figure out a reason to stand up.
And then, when it was too late and everything was over, i figured it out:

At one point, the preacher mentioned something that seemed a little off-topic to his sermon.
He said that we need to be "A" students.
Not students in the academic sense, but students to God.
And sitting there, i thought about school.
I thought about how i don't get all As in my classes, and i thought about why.
I spend most of my days on "autopilot".
One time, my bass teacher got frustrated with me during a lesson.
We were playing a song with a cd, and i didn't have the notes memorized.
He said, "you're just reacting to the song. Try to anticipate what comes next."

That's exactly how i am in school.
I just go through my day reacting to what my teachers say, to what homework is, to what i'm supposed to be learning.
I just kind of scrape by under the radar.

And as i was thinking about this, i noticed that it's how i live my life, too.
I just kind of react to life.
I've been a christian all my life, and i kind of just do what feels natural to me, which is usually the right thing to do.
But it doesn't change the fact that its all just reactions.

I decided that i want to live in anticipation of what comes next, not waiting to see it first.
I want to live deliberately, thinking about everything i do.


I was hoping to be able to follow the bus home.
But that didn't happen because they left before i could eat my food at mcDonalds, and i also had to get gas.
I put $20 in at $2.99/gallon.

After spending a good half hour trying to decide how to go home, we figured i'd just backtrack the way i came.
So what if it was 10:00 out and had no idea where i was?
I seem to be doing a lot of blind driving lately, not really knowing how i'm going to get someplace.
Anyway, I got on the highway and discovered that i was completely alone.

There were no cars ahead of me, and no cars behind me.
I turned off the radio and started talking to God.
And i quickly felt like an idiot for thinking to myself, "its weird being lost and alone somewhere you've never been before"

I wasn't alone, i just finally had a chance to have one-on-one time, undistracted, with the greatest friend in the world.
At first, it was kind of weird.
I started thinking about being alone on a highway-seriously, no one was around.
I even thought about putting the car in neutral and seeing how long it would take to coast from a stop from 70mph.
But i didn't.
By the time i hit Route 9, though, it was different.
The road is curvey. I road the Epsom traffic circle a few times around for the fun of it.
It felt like the northwood countryside was almost a big playground that i was frolicking around in with my best friend.
It was like, "hang out time".

By the time i made it to barrington, it was 11:00 PM.
I rolled down all the windows and turned the heat on full blast.
Of those 12 hours, i spent 1/4 of my day in the car by myself.
And in that time, i realized how great it is that i can be alone without being alone.
And i decided to live my life deliberately.

I want to ride my bike to church tomorrow.
Let's see if i can wake up at 6.