On Identities

This weekend I went to my student orientation for RPI.
It may have been the most socially awkward event that i've ever been to, because at RPI, everyone is socially awkward in some way. At 8:00 last night, they told us that we were going to the "New Student Celebration". It was essentially a highschool dance, except 80% of the kids didn't even go on the dance floor. And we're in upstate new york, so all they played was slow, annoying club music, not the high-energy disco that i'm used to for dances. There was a few good minutes of enjoyment, but most of it was just noise and advisors encouraging people to mingle.

Here's my overall impression:
RPI is a lot like my highschool. This is both good and bad, but i don't know which it is more of. I'm not too worried about my schedule, as it looks like its going to be a lot of the familiar struggles with calculus and physics that I spent my whole senior year getting used to. That's a little comforting, though I'll admit I was beyond joyous when AP tests were over. Summer break feels like a fleeting respite from the agony.
More familiar than the sinking i'd-better-find-someone-smarter-than-me-and-be-their-friend feeling was the faces: I met at least 10 different people who all eerily resemble someone that I already know. That's playing tricks with my head, because I will probably forget about the people that i currently know as I get to be friends with the people that look like them. There's even a girl here named Kathryn who calls herself Katy. I kept doing double-takes because she looks exactly identical to a "katy" from Maine.

I really feel a lot like i did the first week I went to somersworth high school.
There's this familiar deal with stereotypes: At RPI, there seems to be three(3) mixable, interchangeable, fashionable stereotypes: The Nerd/Geek (of which there are several flavors), the "Smart Jock", and the "Minority". Everyone seems to have at least one of these traits down pretty good.
Except me.
I believe that I have succesfully avoided stereotype as a teenager through my mish-mash of changing schools, intense time divisions, and diverse assortment of friends. Resultingly, I don't have a recognizable "clothing style", unless jeans+tshirt with the occasional khaki/polo has a style named for it, I don't play any sports, I have good hygine and don't talk about videogames during lunch...

I feel very out of my own environment. I'm sure everyone does.
But I'm starting to get used to that feeling.
So far my only hope is that the christian group here isn't lame. Because I know i never would have made it through highschool without Uturn, and maybe, just maybe, there will be continuity through a campus group that will allow me to keep my bearings.

This is going to be a pretty nutty next couple of months.
But as Paul said to Timothy one day, "Continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus." [2tim 3:14+15]

It is impossible to ever be completely lost, completely alone, or completely forgotten.

on Transformers

I saw transformers last night. Midnight showing.
It was exactly what I expected, and exactly what I wanted to see- a highly produced action movie full of alien robots and lots of explosions.

But here's the deal.
For that 2 and a half hours in the wee morning, I was completely engaged in the movie.
Halfway through, I caught myself thinking, "i don't want this movie to end.. ever."
And then it ended.
And I got up slowly from my seat and trudged wearily out of the theater.
And then I went home.

This morning, during the ride to work, here's what i started thinking about.

Even though I was incredibly tired from the long night of watching Transformers, I was completely "pumped up". I had difficulty falling asleep because I was still thinking about the movie. It had seeped into my mind.
And I realized one of the reasons i felt so empty immediately after the movie ended: because I had become so engrossed in the film, when It ended, I suddenly had to return to reality.
Reality, which is so much less awesome than the fictional world of transformers.
There are no massive alien robots fighting a war on our planet.
There is no Shia LaBeouf to save the world.
There is no ancient mystical "energy" that holds the universe together.


Micheal Bay and his contemporaries have figured out how to tap into our heads.
He can make a movie that engrosses us, makes us feel a part of the action.
And movies like that sell. We consider such movies "good movies".


50 years ago, movies didn't have to be that good.
Most young people don't like to watch anything made before the 90s.
Why?
Because production budgets weren't what they are now.
60 years ago, nobody spent 80 million to make a movie.
It seems like a natural thing that movies would get better and better.
But how come we don't like old movies anymore?

Here's what I think.
I don't think that it has anything to do with getting "used to" the highly produced nature of modern films. I think we need it.
We need movies to "move" us.
we need movies to make us feel there.
we need something to get us riled up and want to get out and do something.


because real life is boring.


that's what i think.
As our society gets more advanced, we don't spend time on tasks like we used to.
Washing clothes and the dishes is now a matter of loading and unloading a machine.
Getting somewhere is a matter of driving or flying there.
Communicating is as efficient as typing.
Re-connecting with old friends is a facebook search.

we've removed all of the adventure from life.
and we've created a longing for a cause.

that's why people play video games.
they don't just need a way to kill time.
they need to be a part of something.
That's why people spend months of their life dedicated to participating in advertising campaigns.


but here's the problem.
life isn't boring.

if people lived lives that glorified God and strived to be more like Him every day, they wouldn't find themselves needing "something more".


Here's what I think.
If someone created a movie half as good as Transformers about reality, as it really is, as it should be, no one would leave the theater feeling bummed out. They would want to participate. If only a few people put as much energy into Reality as they did into viral ad campaigns, there would be no world hunger problem. There would be no economy collapse. There would be no poverty.
Just the Love of God showing through people's lives.

On Questions that Aren't Really that Difficult to Answer

I was going to post a blog today attempting to recap a stream of consciousness i had last night about reality.
then i opened a bible and the first passage i started reading caused me to change that plan.
Reading the bible has a funny way of messing with your thinking.
in a good way.

Anyway, the passage is Mark 8, 1-10.
It's where Jesus feeds 4,000 men along with women and children, off of seven loaves of bread and a few small fish.
It's a familiar story to anyone who grow up in church or has spent time in or around a church for any time- a simple message of faith, right?
Just believe in it and God can feed thousands of people off of nothing.

And as I was reading that, here's what I was thinking, in chronological order:
1: "God can do anything"
2: "God could feed all of the starving people all over the world with zero effort"
3: "Maybe the reason He doesn't is because of a lack of faith."
4: "No way. Millions of people have faith in God and pray for hungry children every day"

And I realized that this is one of the common traps that nonchristians try to spring to see if a christian really knows what he's talking about: "If God's so good, why are people dying from hunger?"

And you know, usually you consider that one of those "really difficult questions", the kind that you sometimes have to admit that no one really knows and the best we can do is pray.

And then I kept reading from that passage.
Mark 8:11-13 goes as follows:
"The Pharisees [religious leaders] came and began to question Jesus. To test him, they asked him for a sign from heaven. He signed deeply and said, 'Why does this generation ask for a miraculous sign? I tell you the truth, no sign will be given to it.' Then he left them, got back into the boat and crossed to the other side."

This passage follows immediately after he fed north of 4,000 people.

a) that's quite a bit of a miraculous sign.
b) Jesus answered the "difficult question" right after I thought about it.

It's there in writing.
We complain about how God isn't feeding a few million people.
Quite frankly, we should be doing something (more) about it.
Rather than tell God we want to see him do something spectacular, we should be thinking of ways to solve the problem.
Remember, it was the disciples who physically handed the food to the crowds.

So why doesn't God feed all the starving people in the world?
I'm sure he wants to.
But he can't just come down and throw food at them, because our generation just wants a miraculous sign. He's telling us to start breaking our own bread and to give it to others.

On Patience and Confidence

I was reading through 2 chronicles the other day and got to this part about king Asa.
Check it out.

"The spirit of God came upon Azariah son of Oded. He went out to meet Asa and said to him, "Listen to me, Asa and all Judah and Benjamin. The Lord is with you when you are with him. If you seek him, he will be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will forsake you. For a long time Israel was without the true God, without a priest to teach and without the law. But in their distress they turned to the Lord, the God of Israel, and sought him, and he was found by them. In those days it was not safe to trabel about, for all the inhabitants of the lands were in great turmoil. One nation was being crushed by another and one city by another, because God was troubling them with every kind of distress. But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded."
When Asa heard these words and the prophecy of Azariah son of Oded the propget, he took courage."
[2 chronicles 15:1-8]

Firstly, there's a huge theological point to be made by that statement, "If you seek him, he will be found by you..."
Secondly, Azariah the prophet had encouraging words for his king.
He told him to stick with it and to ramp up what he was already doing to improve his kingdom and to glorify God.

The story continues.
"They assembled at Jerusalem in the third month of the fifteenth year of Asa's reign. At that time they sacrificed to the Lord seven hundred head of cattle and seven thousand sheep and goats from the plunder they had brought back. They entered into a covenant to seek the Lord, the God of their fathers, with all their heart and soul." [2 chr. 15:10-13]

Let's back up a moment.
Asa had been king for 15 years before any of this happened.
He had been doing the "right thing" for a decade and a half before we have any inclination that God even appreciated the efforts, save for a few military vicroties.
And by "right thing", i mean he was trying to abolish idolatry and the worship of "foriegn gods" in Jerusalem. He made his people worship God.
I'm sure he made many enemies. his grandmother was not happy with him.
But he perservered.
And fifteen years later, God sent a profit to tell him not to give up.

There's something to be said there about doing what we know we have to, even when it looks like it's not paying off right away.

On Malarkey

The last two weeks at my school for seniors go as follows:
seniors stop going to classes and instead spend 20 hours per week on a "senior project", learning new skills or helping the community.
During this time, it is a tradition to play a game of Assassin, where teams of 2 all have another team of 2 to try to kill.
The end result is that when not at their projects, you have 40 teenagers running around Portsmouth, dover, rochester, and stratham with water guns, scheming and plotting endlessly.
It's a big childish game.
And there's really no point.
In years past, cops have been called on students for various reasons.
It's gotten incredibly serious.
Yet there's a small cash prize for all the malarkey it causes. It's more than worth it to simply not play the game.

For what it's worth, there isn't much difference between senior Assassin and "the real world".

Paul said, "Since, then, yo have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." [Col. 3:1-4]


Think about how much of "the real world" is complete malarkey.
Businesses want money and spend all their resources making as much as they can.
Soccer moms spend their afternoons gossiping with each other about each other.
Day in and day out, people run around like nut cases trying to accomplish this or succeed in that.
We forge friendships and then break them.
There's drama and scheming everywhere you look.

All for a small cash prize.

Henry David Thoreau once said, "A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone."
He also said, "Our lives are frittered away by detail."

We live our lives looking intensely at the ground, trying to make something out of it.
But all the while, God has incredible things planned for us. Paul said to set our hearts and minds on the things of God, since we no longer need to worry about all this malarkey that goes on down here.
It's all such a waste.

On Chocolate Chip Pancakes

I ate chocolate chip pancakes for dinner last night.
Actually, I've had chocolate chip pancakes at least once every day in the past 3 weeks.
Had them for breakfast the day after the ap calc test.
then had them for breakfast almost a week later after the ap physics test.
and had them for dinner yesterday.

Here's the deal about chocolate chip pancakes.
I love eating them, so much.
All you have to do is say, "this place has pancakes", and i will immediately crave them.

There's a single other food item that works this way for me: tacos from Dos Amigos.
For all of the first semester this year, i had 4 beef tacos every friday for dinner.
And i didn't get sick of them because they are so delicious.
And you know what? all you have to do is mention tacos and i'll crave them.



There's something else that we should crave at the very mention.

Jesus said, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded to you." [matt. 28:19]
Telling people about God's promise to us and sharing the truth should be something that we always want to do and never get tired of.
It's better than eating chocolate chip pancakes and tacos.
It has eternal rewards rather than brief satisfaction.

On Tailfins

Everytime i see a cadillac on the road, i get a little warm-fuzzies.
Not because i like them, or think that they're good cars.
I have more negative feelings toward Escalades than any other car ever made.
No, these warm-fuzzies stem from a simple fact: Cadillac still makes cars with tailfins.

Whether or not the breaklights on the back of a CTS are actually "fins" is up to you, but the fact is that ever since the 50s, just about every cadillac car has had verticle tail-lights. I don't think that cadillac does it to be remeniscent, either. I think it's part of their identity. People see vertical taillights and they instantly know, "that's a cadillac."
Also, notice that Cadillac doesn't make a single model name that was around 20 years ago. Their entire line is like 10 years old. Most auto makers have at least a few models that have survived a few decades. Not cadillac. Everything's new. They haven't kept anything except the leather and the fins.

I've been thinking a lot about identity lately.
Seeing as how I have less than 10 days to decide where i spend the next four years of my life, I think that's perfectly okay.
But while wrestling with how different my life could turn out depending on this one simple decision, I've realized that we all have our own vertical tail-lights. No matter where I go, I'll be taking me along, too. Sure, my life could be different depending on where I go to school. But it won't change who I am, and it won't change the way I think and the way I react to situations. Different opportunities will come and go, but who we are remains who we are.

On Daily Affirmation

It's calculus season.
in 3 weeks, I'll be about to take the AP Calc AB exam. Until then, every day I have to spend 2 hours on homework trying to not fail.
But in the midst of school, i've had a little time to think.

It's Easter Season.
Today was Good Friday.
Easter's the best holiday because as long as you avoid shopping centers, you're allowed to just sit and think reflect. listen.
It's a much needed respite before the College Board takes over my life.

Christians spend a lot of time complaining about the world- society, culture, nonchristians... we complain about everything that makes us uncomfortable.
It's one of those things that we shouldn't be proud of, and it's one of society's main reasons for not liking christians to begin with.

A few people in America have been trying to get every aspect of Christianity out of our federal government. The words on our money, the line in our pledge of allegiance, the customs of courtroom proceedings.
These are things that aren't in our laws, but that were adopted by various organizations at various times because people back then were predominately christians. No one complained when "In God we Trust" was first printed on our money. They probably liked it. Thought it was a nice touch. That was the culture then.
But since then, times have changed, and Christians in our usual remonstrative way have been disenchanted with the idea that "God" would be taken off our money.
But there's one aspect of society that is so intermingled with Christianity that isn't going to change anytime soon; one place where no one is going to sue the United States of America for violation of "separation of church and state".
That aspect is the Date.

The date for me, right now, is the 10th of April, 2009.
The reason today is that day is because 1,484 years ago, a Romanian monk named Dionysius tracked the years back (slightly inaccurately) to Jesus' birth and used that to keep track of the years.
Eventually it caught on and here we are, year 2009.
What I really like is the term "AD."
Now, some scholarly folk prefer the term "CE" to mean "Common Era" because they don't like Jesus. But from what I can tell, most americans still say "AD".
Which is an abbreviation for Latin which, when translated, means "In the year of our lord".
Here's what's cool about that:

Before Dionysius came around with his AD/BC numbering system, the year was kept track of by who was the local ruler.
For example, when Augustus came into power, the year was "1 Augustus" and started over when Tiberius became emporer. If you've ever read the old testiment of the Bible, numbering schemes like that are absultely everywhere.

But think about that. The year used to be determined by how long your ruler was in power.
And yet, nothing is any different today.
Every time you say that the year is 2009, you're reaffirming that Jesus Christ has been lord for (roughly) 2009 years. And counting.
The reason why we never started over with a new "year 1" is because Jesus never had a successor. And he never will.
Society probably doesn't like to think about it that way.
but that's alright with me. They'll figure it out someday.

On Splinters

I just pulled a splinter out of my finger.
It took me about a half an hour's worth of digging into my skin with a needle before i could finally nab it with the tweezers.

At one point, my finger got all inflamed from poking at it for so long, so i sat down and knawed on some munchies until it calmed down again.

I first became aware of this splinter at around 11:00 this morning. But it was smallish, and i couldn't tell if it was just a cut or not. So I ignored it. There just wasn't enough incentive for me to find some place with a bright enough light to sit down and see what was wrong with my finger.

Then some 12 or so hours later, I finally looked at it, annoyed that it was still bothering me. Upon deciding that it was, in fact, a splinter, i set about trying to get it out.

Splinters.

They're annoying.

And they take effort to remove them.

Yet how much effort does it take to get one?

zero.

In fact, it takes so little effort to get a splinter, you generally can't try to get one.

Have you ever taken a piece of paper and tried to give yourself a paper cut?

It usually takes several attempts before you realize that it's a stupid idea. They just happen.

In my case, not only did the splinter just happen, but i didn't notice it until it had been lodged in my finger for several hours.

Left unchecked, splinters can get infected.

Metal splinters can give you Tetanus.

Heck, people probably die from them every year.


Now, i know splinters are kind of a lame example.

But isn't the scenario applicable to the way we go about life?

In Hebrews 2:1-3, the writer tells us, "We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away. For if the message spoken by angels was binding, and every violation and disobedience received its just punishment, how shall we escape if we ignore such a great salvation?"[NIV]

Here's how The Message translation puts it:

"It's crucial that we keep a firm grip on what we've heard so that we don't drift off. If the old message delivered by the angels was valid and nobody got away with anything, do you think we can risk neglecting this latest message, this magnificent salvation?"

Sometimes we slip away, slowly enough that we don't even notice it. Or maybe we're just too lazy or unmotivated to seriously examine our lives. But if we dig deep for a little while, we can remedy a potentially big problem.

And splinters feel the best of all when they're gone.

On Improving Handwriting

Today was a nutty day.
I woke up at 6:45 to go to the Uturn Flapjack Fundraiser. left at 10:30 ish. We made like $200 in the two hours people were there.
Then i went home.
Now the way i had planned my weekend was to do ALL of my homework during the following time period. However, as soon as i got home i promptly fell asleep. I woke up at 3:00 in the afternoon, only to fall asleep again. I eventually pulled myself out of bed at 5:00, which was when i had to put black clothes on to go to the second performance of my school's musical. At this point i hardly remembered anything about pancakes, because the nap i took essentially made two days out of one.
We teched the musical until 10:30. Because i'm a senior, and this is my last musical, i got a rose and a short speech from the director on stage.
Then as we were walking to my car, we saw a school minibus idling in the parking lot. Inside were my friend and the teacher who runs our school robotics team. There was a big robotics match in Massachusetts that i couldn't go to today for the above two reasons. We ended up in the final rounds, and got a trophy.
My friend had gotten 30 minutes of sleep last night because he spent the entire night fixing our robot, and they had to leave school at some ridiculous hour in order to get to mass by 10:00 in the morning. Everyone on the team got medals for making it to the finals.

So i walked off my school today with a rose, a medal, and quite a good feeling.
Tomorrow is more complicated.
I have church in the morning, followed by a 12:30 call time for the last performance of the musical, followed by youth group.
I'm going to be spending a lot of time driving through downtown dover without time to stop for food. So I don't know when i'm going to eat all day.

But here's the deal. Lately, i've found that I am incapable of remembering what i have to do every day. In the past i've made lists in my head of thing to accomplish in a week or day, but i can't do that any more. I've started writing things down. I have to write down my classes in order to figure out what i have to do for homework. I have to make lists of things to remember to bring with me when i go places. I think i'm going to use it as an excuse to get a G1.

But what i've realized recently is that i like having no free time. I sincerely enjoy knowing that i am actually accomplishing something with my time. And when you walk off of your school feeling like you made a difference, you're glad you don't get enough sleep.

But one of the reasons that i have so little free time is that i have to constantly balance doing things at my school and doing things at church. The personal feeling of accomplishment is the same whether you help organize an event for a church or organize an event for your school. But personal accomplishment isn't what matters in life. Or maybe it does, and maybe it shouldn't.
What ought to matter is accomplishing things for God, not setting lights for small children dressed as orphans. When i graduate highschool, i'll go to college.
Who knows how involved i'll be wherever i go. But one thing that i want to do is make sure i get more involved with church, or ministry of some sort.

In Matthew 9:37, Jesus says, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field"
To qute Gene Wilder, "So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it."
We have our work cut out for us.

On God Not Disliking Science

There's an article in the most recent issue of Wired that is an interview with a scientist who recently published a book titled, How to Build a Dinosaur: Extinction Doesn't have to Be Forever. The idea is that modern-day chicken embryos contain all the ingredients that you need to make a dinosaur. All you have to do is mess with a few genes that regulate the development process, and you end up with a chicken that looks like a dinosaur.
Awesome.

But here's why i'm telling you about this.
One of the statements from the interviewer was this:
"It would certainly prove the creationists dead wrong."
Oh boy, i thought.
But here's where it gets good.
The scientist replied with this cutting remark.
"Religion is about faith, not evidence. Comparing science and religion isn't like comparing apples and oranges - it's more like apples and sewing machines."
ouch.
and excellent.

Here's the deal.
Science and Christianity, or any faith, for that matter, aren't mutually exclusive.

A lot of times, hard-core conservatives will go neck-and-neck with people who think in scientific terms. You end up with a whole group of people who believe that global warming is a government plot, who don't care about following any scientific process, and who won't listen to anyone with a master's degree, versus a whole group of 'intellectuals' who will immediately stop taking you seriously if you mention anything to do with God.

This shouldn't be the case.
There is nothing in Science that is mutually exclusive with God.
In fact, until the past 70 years or so, pretty much every scientist believed in God anyway. It's merely a coincidence that much of our modern scientific community is made up of atheists. People look at science and say that it's better than religion, that it's a more worthwhile endeavor than worshiping God.
Maybe those people are just looking for a way to add usefulness to their lives where they haven't discovered the purpose God has for them.

Evolution doesn't have anything to say about creation.
The theory of evolution is widely accepted by the scientific community, but i'd say that the Big Bang theory is on a much smaller pedestal. Darwin was a christian. He believed in creation. But he also believed that organisms change over time.
I'm not supporting evolution here, i'm just trying to flesh out my point.

Science can only prove theories wrong.
It can't just come out and say something.
And since science can't prove God, creation, or anything in the Bible wrong, it's perfectly legitimate to be in the scientific community and not be an atheist.

Isaiah 29:14
"Therefore once more I will astound these people with wonder upon wonder;
the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish."

science is good, but God is better.

On The Piano

For the past week or so, we watched a movie in my english class: The Piano.
We have sort of been looking at different women roles in modern drama, and The Piano is an admittedly stark contrast to the role women play in many "modern dramas", whatever that means.

Basically, the movie is about a mute woman in the 1850s who is married off to a missionary in the New Zealand rain forest.
If you want the entire plot, read the wikipedia article, it sums the entire thing up.
Here's what i have to say for it:
It is the most traumatizing, emotionally tearing, nasty, and uncomfortable movie i have ever seen.
Before showing the film, my teacher told us, "there are scenes in this movie that I can't watch. and i cry every time i see it."
my teacher is a man, by the way.

And here is what i told people when they asked me what i thought of it:
"I think i would have been better off not ever seeing The Piano."

Think about it.
What did i gain from that movie?
A perspective on femininity that i could have had by someone telling me about it.
What did i lose from that movie?
It ruined every day that i had english class. It seriously disgruntled me.
And so much more.

By simple logic, i would have been better off not seeing the movie.

Modern society tells us that there is a world out there to experience.
There are places to see, people to meet, things to try, and every new experience we have is a gain.
That's almost entirely untrue.

Paul said in 1 Corinthians, "'Everything is permissible for me' - but not everything is beneficial."
I feel like if i could go back in time and un-watch The Piano, i would.
And i would have gained back some valuable time.

Here's my point.
Some things in life are simply not worth spending time on.
There is no way to learn everything, experience all there is, or have 2,000 different jobs. So you might as well pick and choose what will benefit you the most.

On making a day

Yesterday I was incredibly tired.
It seems like every time i get 7 hours of sleep, my body freaks out.
As if it's so accustomed to getting only 5 or 6 that it doesn't know what to do with the extra hour.
So in order to actually have a good night's sleep i need to bargain for more than 8 hours so my brain has time to figure out how to continue sleeping.
The biggest problem is that it makes it virtually impossible for me to have a restful sleep on a school night, as when i actually try to go to bed early, i just end up screwing up my day even more.

Anyway, you get the idea.
I was really tired and not feeling tip-top yesterday.
So after school i found myself at the local neighborhood South Berwick Cumberland Farms, which is actually only about an 8th of a mile away from the next local neighborhood Cumberland Farms, across the boarder in Rollinsford.
I had $10.
I bought a small bag of beef jerky, a quart of chocolate milk, and some candy.
As the guy rang it up it turned out to be $9.76.
I was relieved, because with Maine taxes, you never know when you're going to go over your $10 bill, they're always taking your money for their good education system and low property taxes.

As i handed the guy my money, he said, "i'll throw in a penny so i can give you back a quarter."
At first i was confused, but when he handed me a quarter in change, my mood changed entirely.
I thanked him, and went back to my car happier than i had been since i woke up that morning.
You could say that the cashier made my day by giving me a quarter.

Now, we could get into the details on why quarters are so good; every quarter i get in change goes into the cupholder in my car so that i can pay for tolls when people randomly tell me that they want to hang out in newington.
I'd go as far as to say that quarters are the only useful coin in our currency system.

Thinking back on it later, I realized that the cashier probably had no idea how much he impacted me. He just tossed a penny into the cash register to make my life a little easier.
Maybe that's what was so good- he made an effort, small as it may have been, to make someone else- me- have a better day.

I'm a firm believer that if we all were just a tad bit nicer to each other, just a smidgin more thoughtful, we'd be much further than we are now.

On Tangentialism

A number of weeks ago, i walked into latin class.
I forget what i did, but it was something in accordance with my usual style of going about things, which is "out of the ordinary" for most people.
My latin teacher looked at me and said, "Peter, your life really is just a tangent."
I laughed, looked around, and heartily agreed.
Then i sat down and thought about what that meant.

From geometry and trigonometry, we say that a line is Tangent to a curve if it is perpendicular to that curve and sharing a single point with it.
The classic example being: you have a circle, and you draw a line next to and touching the edge of the circle.
That line shares a single point with the circle.
If you were to follow that line, you would realize that it quickly goes away from the shape. The only time the line is actually near the circle is where it's right next to it.
Everywhere else, it's just another line.

I'd like to think that the world would be a much more interesting place if everyone lived their lives like "tangents" to the world around them.
If we could all learn not to take ourselves seriously.
If we could all understand that the world is impermanent.
If we could all realize that what we do here doesn't mean hardly anything in the long scheme of 'history'.

I think that's how Christ would have us think of our lives.
You have the world, caught up in all of itself.
And then you have Eternity.
Eternity has almost nothing to do with the world.
It's this line that briefly, for a single point, is connected with it.
And that single point is all the time we have to do everything we're here to do.
As soon as the line moves on, we're gone from here, on to bigger and better things.

Jesus said, "my kingdom is not of this world."
And so, i believe, neither should our lives.
But we're here now, and we have work to do.

On Changing

As i was sitting in my room tonight i started thinking about all of the junk that has accumulated in it over the years.
I currently live my life without much interaction with my room; I come home, sleep, do homework, and that's about it.
But i have various trinkets that at one time were interesting or "cool", books galore which are mostly unread, and mounds of dust.
None of this gets any attention on a day to day basis.
My eyes fell on my Somersworth High School Class of 2006 yearbook.
Freshman year.
As I flipped though i realized that i barely knew anyone in it.
Now, this makes perfect sense because i only spent one year there and wasn't social at all. But it troubled me in a more-than-on-the-surface sort of way.
Here were all these people that I never had a chance to have an impact on. Here were all these people who i never got to get to know, be friends with, or be part of.
And then there were the people i actually recognized.
Kids i had classes with, other freshmen.
The most obvious thing is how much everyone looks like children.
You look at pictures on facebook of people you haven't seen in 3 years, and they look completely different. Towards the end of the pictures was my photo.
I laughed and cried.
I had no idea that they were taking school pictures on the day they did.
As such i wore an ugly black polo. and my hair looks rather awkward.
And i look so young.
I dug up my freshman id card so i could have a juxtaposition for you:



There is a marked difference.

Then my thoughts turned to all the people on facebook with "somersworth highschool" as their network.
I guess you could say that there's some "buyers remorse" from me not staying at somersworth. There are kids that i can barely remember the names of who i wish i could have gotten to know. It's like this intense feeling of failure.
Sure, i might have a better chance of getting into college now.
But what about the people?

Approaching the far edge of highschool has me thinking about how much i've changed in the past 3.5 years. And it has me thinking about how much everyone else has changed as well.
A lot of the time, we change with our surroundings.
Easy example: You notice when one of your friends gets a haircut.
You don't notice when, every day, their hair gets micrometers longer, because you get used to the hair growing out. Your perception of their hair changes ever so slowly with the passing of time.

So i can say that i've 'grown up' with my friends at berwick; i've known them for the past 3 years, most of them much longer, and i've grown with them. We've impacted each other, shaped each other's personalities and thoughts, what we think is funny. We've created inside jokes, not payed attention in any math class of any sort, and still manage to survive.
This is a good feeling.

However, much worse feeling is how much i've missed all those people i've had just glancing friendships with.
This question keeps me up at night, seriously: What about the people who I could have been friends with?
I have forever missed the chance to be a part of their time growing up.
I can't start inside jokes with them, can't not learn precalc with them, and i will never see almost all of them ever again.

It's just another thought in the infinitely useful mantra: "Life is complicated. Living is simple."

On Accidents, or lack thereof

With the new semester starting this past week, i got a new course in my senior schedule: Humanities.
This class isn't "humanities" in the traditional sense. It's not a history class, or even much of an english class. It's more of a religion and philosophy course, covering all the bases but starting with a focus on eastern religion.

As such, this week we started reading the short novel Siddhartha, which is about a young Hindu who goes out into the world to seek "truth".
Anyway, in reading this book our teacher has tried to explain some of Hinduism to us. The main picture that i'm walking away with is that hinduism is inherently enormous in the complexity of beliefs. But there are some key concepts that i find very interesting that Hindus and other easterners take to heart.
One that caugt me unprepared was this: There are No Accidents.

Sure, events can happen that aren't intended.
But someone is always responsible. It is related to the concept of Karma.

I for some reason was on Miley Cirus' wikipedia article over the weekend, and i was thinking about the kind of persona that "stars" have, and the sort of idle time-wasting connotations that are associated with them.
Thanks to the media, we have this idea, and i'm sure it's usually correct, that when people in the entertainment industry aren't earning big bucks, they're out partying all night.

On Monday, my Latin teacher brought ancient Rome into modernity. We are translating parts of the Satyricon, the first novel written. He noted how back then, as in modern times, the wives of famous people didn't have much to do. Sure, they'd sit around, give press releases, and donate money to charity.
But there wasn't much else to do.
So they started these sort of cult clubs.
All the wives of famous politicians and generals would hang out together and have this massive party consisting very much of drinking and debauchery. But they had elaborate cover-up schemes: they were "actually" devotions to different roman gods and godesses. Men weren't allowed around, so no one ever knew. They just thought that their wives were paying respects and devotion to their gods. But in reality they were partying it up.

In our world, nothing is a secret to consumers thanks to the media.
We know which celebrities hang out together, who's dating whom, who's planning on dating whom, who just broke up with whom, and all this stuff.
And then every now and then a celrbtiy will post an apology, either official or unofficial, or in the form of a song, for something that they did. Like when Miley Cirus had her photoshoot that wasn't exactly what parents would want their middle school kids aspiring to.
But here's the point: no celebrity, or celebrity's wife, ever has any valid excuse. There are no accidents in that industry. Stars get out of jail sentences all the time because they can afford good lawyers. But the united states legal system is one of the worst judges of character in this country.
When famous people do drugs and waste their lives, or pay innordinate ammounts of money for religious safegaurd, yes, we can blame them, because no, it's not an accident.

Here's a great quote from Paul in Galations 1:10:
"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."

You think about celebrities, and you realize that their entire fortune is centered around making consumers happy. Entertainment is, by defenition, the business of making men (people) happy. They give us what we want to see and hear, and in exchange we give them money and allow them to live their prolific lives.
Then we sit here and complain about how rich people get away with everything and do whatever they want, but keep out of sight the concept that entertainment wouldn't exist if people didn't pay for it. But that's a different story.

Here's the point.
Paul wouldn't have made a good movie actor.
At least, not a successful one.
He wasn't at all interested in satisfying people; all he lived to do was spread God's word and bring all men the truth.
When people didn't like what he had to say, it was tough luck for their hard headedness.
And nothing he did was an accident.

On Babbling Madmen

2 Kings 9:1-3 reads as such:
"The prophet Elisha summoned a man from the company of the prophets and said to him, "Tuck your cloak into your belt, take this flask of oil with you and go to Ramoth Gilead. When you get there, look for Jehu son of Jehoshaphat, the son of Nimshi. Go to him, get him away from his companions and take him into an inner room. Then take the flask and pour the oil on his head and declare, 'This is what the Lord says: I anount you king over Israel.' Then open the door and run; don't delay!""

Back in the day, Elisha was like this wicked awesome prophet. And it so happened that other prophets that we might assume to be his pupils hung out with him.
Imagine him sending one of his eager pupils on this 'mission', the same way a research professor gets a grad student to do all the menial tasks for their experiments.
And reflect on how odd a request that is.
"hey dude. tuck your cloak in (i'm guessing this entails an air of swiftness), and take this bottle. run up to an army commander, dump oil on him, tell him that he's the king of israel, and then run away. fast."

the story goes on.
After this guy finds Jehu, anoints him king, and runs away, Jehu went back to his buddies:
"When Jehu went out to his fellow officers, one of them asked him, "Is everything all right? Why did this madman come to you?"
"You know the man and the sort of things he says," Jehu replied.
"that's not true!" they said. "tell us."
Jehu said, "Here is what he told me: 'This is what the Lord says: I anoint you king over Israel.'"
They hurried and took their cloaks and spread them under him on the bare steps. Then they blew the trumpet and shouted, "Jehu is king!"

I think that the officer's judgment of the prophet being a 'madman' was justified. That's pretty much the only sane way to react when some guy runs up to your friend and proclaims him king of Israel.

But here's the kicker: they believed him.
The writers of 2 Kings doesn't record any conversations between Jehu and his friends trying to convince them that yeah, he was king of Israel. In fact, it seems like Jehu was a little embarrassed that he was randomly selected as the next king.
Instead, the commanders spread out their cloaks and proclaimed him king.

That would be kind of like a band of University professors proclaiming Al Gore to be the President of the United States.
But only if those professors believed enough in Al Gore to assassinate obama and proclaim gore the president. Except assassinating people for power and believing in al gore are mutually exclusive. So ignore that.

HERE was my point:
At first glance, the unnamed prophet was said to be a "babbling madman", but no one disputed his authority.

Kind of like how John the Baptist ate wild honey and wore clothes made out of camel hair, like a freaky hippy, but was regarded by his contemporaries as a prophet and and inspiration.

Kind of like how Jesus healed crippled people on saturday (oh no! not saturday!) and had to wake up extra-early in order to get away from people.

The "things of God" often times are presented to us in ways that appear completely ridiculous. As if God is a crazy eccentric old guy. But it's our job to roll with that, presuming we use discretion and don't assume that everything nutty is divine.

On Falling Trees

When a tree falls in a forest, and nobody hears it, does it make a sound?

People have always asked that, and quite frankly, I never understood why.
The next time someone says it, here's how i'll counter:
"If a tree falls on the side of the road, and nobody hears it, but it takes out your power for 4 days, does anyone care if it made any sound? no sir. You're just ticked at that tree because you know PSNH won't get their trucks to your house until halfway through next week."

I don't think i've ever been without power for so long because, and it presents an interesting juxtaposition.

I woke up friday morning to no electricity and no final day of school before midterms. I then sat around until 3:00 when my dad turned on the generator. At that point I took a shower and drove to a friend's house who didnt' lose power. I didn't return until 11:00. Saturday was the same drill. Woke up, showered, left, and came home at 8:00.
What was so striking is how little there is to do when there's no power.
Literally all you can do is sit around in the dark.

Weirder still is how different life can be just a block away. For people who didn't lose power, its as if they lived in Utah, where the only way they know about any "state of emergency" is though CNN telling them that 300,000 people in New Hampshire have no electricity.

Meanwhile, though, my parents have kerosene lamps going and are freaking out about food in the refrigerator. Its like, two completely different worlds, right next to each other.

Apostle Peter referred to his fellow christians as "strangers in the world", "aliens", and in the kjv, "peculiar people".
In 1 Peter 1:13, he said, "therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed."

Here's what I take away from this:
There is a distinct difference between christians and nonchristians.
This whole weekend, as soon as i stepped into my house, i realized that there was absolutely nothing to do. And when i went to someone else's house, it was as if everything was normal.

But when i was sitting around with nothing to do, i realized that, 150 years ago, that's how everyone lived. There was no electricity, no modern conveniences.
We complain and yell and whine when our power goes off, and sit around with "nothing to do", but clearly they had ways of filling their time up in the 1850s... just ask the Amish.

That's how nonbelievers should see our lives.
They should look at us and say, "woah man. all this time i thought life was awesome, but now i look around and theres nothing to do."
They should be asking us to hang out because they're "bored".
We never have to sit around in metaphysical darkness when the "power" goes out. No matter what happens to us, we still have our best friend at our side.

That's totally way more awesome than not having running water.

On Finitness

Teenagers are often a good topic to talk about because they present a concentrated form of Humanity.
By the time we're teenagers, we've figure out everything that we can get away with, but we haven't learned what we shouldn't do. We know what we're capable of, but don't have the wisdom to live responsibly.
Case study: Teenage girls who get their first job.
I know a bunch of girls who work after school or on the weekends.
Baggers at Market Basket make well above minimum wage, and they typically make more than $50 per week.
Now, with gas prices so excellently low, $50 is way more than it takes to fill up a gas tank for a week, even with the ridiculous amount of "let's go to the mall!" and "i'll drive" that they do.
So what do you spend all your money on?
Well, the answer is obvious, right?
clothes and shoes!

Lets buy 3 pairs of shoes that, in 6 months, either won't fit, will be worn out, or will be out of style. Then we'll buy one of everything in Hollister, and pick up $15 worth of pretzel bites on the way out.
When we get home, we'll make sure our parents get us a nice semi dress that we'll never wear again, and then spend the whole afternoon talking to cute boys instead of doing our homework/chores/etc.
Then we'll watch some completely unredeeming tv and yell at our parents for asking where we've been all day.

Do you get my drift?
good.
Now on to other things.

I read about a guy in the old testament a few months ago, and i've been wanting to write about it ever since, but couldn't seem to make it fit anywhere.
But i think now i have it.

During the reign of King David in Jerusalem, there was a really smart guy that David would seek advice from.
His name was Ahithophel.
2 Samuel 16:23 states that "In those days the advice Ahithophel gave was like that of one who inquires of God."
Essentially, this guy knew what he was talking about.

Now, at one point, one of David's sons, Absalom, got on this power trip and ran his dad outta town. Whilst he was trying to commandeer the throne, he asked Ahithophel to give him his advice.
One such tidbit of advice was concerning the best way to ensure he would stay on the throne:
"I would choose twelve thousand men and set out tonight in pursuit of David. I would attack him while he is weary and weak. I would strike him with terror, and then all the people with him will flee. I would strike down only the king and bring all the people back to you. The death of the man you seek will mean the return of all; all the people will be unharmed."

Now there was another advice-giver in town.
His name was Hushai, and he was still loyal to David.
Hushai said something completely different:
"The advice Ahithophel has given is not good at this time. You know your father and his men; they are fighters, and as fierce as a wild bear robbed of her cubs. Besides, your father is an experienced fighter; he will not spend the night with the troops. Even now, he is hidden in a cave or some other place. If he should attack your troops first, whoever hears about it will say, 'there has been a slaughter among the troops who follow Absalom.' Then even the bravest soldier, whose heart is like the heart of a lion, will melt with fear, for all Israel knows that your father is a fighter and that those with him are brave. "

Anyway, Absalom decided to do what Hushai said, which meant that David knew what was coming for him and was able to beat him.
Meanwhile, we read in 2 Samuel 17:23:
"When Ahithophel saw that his advice had not been followed, he saddled his donkey and set out for his house in his hometown. He put his house in order and then hanged himself. So he died and was buried in his father's tomb."

and that's all we know about this dude Ahithophel.

What do Ahithophel and teen girls have in common?
They're both excellent examples of one of the human conditions: Finitness.
As people, we're incredibly good at living "in the moment".
we know how to procrastinate, how to enjoy minutes right now, and how to eat candy.
We're notoriously bad about thinking ahead in time, about thinking about consequences, and more importantly, about heeding those consequences and actually doing what we're supposed to.

My biology teacher has, if anything, increased my belief in creationism.
When we were studying enzymes, she constantly said, "this enzyme is designed for this substrate" and "when the wrong substrate binds to the enzyme, the intended substrate can't bind"
Like, shouldn't she have been saying "this enzyme by chance happens to break down this particular substrate" and "when this substrate binds to the enzyme instead, nothing happens and the other substrate can't break down"?
The theories and teachings that we've developed through science are inherently finite. That's why we're still trying to figure the world out: because not everything makes sense to us.
We have been unable to grasp the way the world works.
We have an incredibly difficult job realizing the way the human race fits in to the rest of the universe.
And individually, we are unable to see the "big picture".
we're finite.
And sadly, far too often we don't give the big picture any consideration.
We live as if the little piece of reality that is the present is all there is, and it gets the better of us down the road.
bummer.

On Thanksgiving

I just got home from DEC's "thanksgiving eve" service.
They rearranged all the chairs in the sanctuary so they all faced inwardly, and then they passed a mic around the room for people to give a short story of what they're thankful for and why.
At the end, the worship pastor lead communion, and he said something that stuck with me:

"Thanksgiving is like the one holiday that America hasn't caught on to yet. Just a day of worship."

And if you think about it, it's entirely true.
The most obvious example is that thanksgiving is completely left out of everyone's decoration closet- stores jump from Halloween to Christmas on November 1st.
Also strikingly absent is that it doesn't have its own "season".
there's a "Christmas Season", an "Easter Season", a "Veterans Day" season...
but no "thanksgiving season".
Thanksgiving has, wonderfully, been allowed to remain exactly what it is.
Possibly because it isn't a big catholic holiday that everyone celebrated in the 1700s (George Washington created our national holiday), we are given a few days off from work and school, and just allowed to gather as families and whatnot, and be thankful for what we have.

For Christians, that means thanking God and remembering that he made the ultimate sacrifice for our own lives.

I think that thanksgiving is my new favorite holiday.
Not that i ever had a favorite holiday before, but now i'll have an answer for when people ask me.
And this is because its the one time when everyone around our country, no matter their political convictions, economic situations, or religious beliefs, find it in themselves to, for one weekend, have the attitude that we're all supposed to carry every day.

That's why i like thanksgiving.
Because its one time where everyone in the world has the right idea.

On people, part two

Yesterday I wrote down my thoughts on how people treat other people.
It is my firm belief that one of the predominant traits of humanity is selfishness.
Not selfishness in the blatant sense, but in the sense that it takes effort on our parts to think about others.

I'll give you two examples of this. The first one is simple: Xenon headlights.

Some of you may have heard me talk about xenon headlights before. Usually i rant about them after i've had to drive alone on some back roads in the pouring rain whilst struggling with the defroster.

Xenon headlamps are a great idea: you increase the color temperature of your headlights, which brings the spectrum much closer to natural light, while actually being brighter, which increases visibility dramatically.
That is, visibility for you, the driver.
Not for me, the car on the other side of the road who is temporarily blinder by your might-as-well-be-hibeams headlights.

See: by installing expensive headlights, we make our lives better while making other people uncomfortable/miserable. Obviously we don't think about this when we get the nice headlamps. But as far as i'm concerned, that's exactly the point: Humans aren't programed to think of others by default.


I'm going to give a second example, which is much more abstract.
Bear with me.

The Lance Armstrong Foundation is a nonprofit organization started by none other than Lance Armstrong shortly after he was diagnosed with cancer.
Through it and its associated organizations, such as Livestrong, it raises money to help cancer patients and to raise awareness about the incurable disease.
A noble cause. Lance Armstrong has proven himself to be an influence in our society by being more than just an athlete.

But here's the problem I have: all those little yellow bracelets.
Why weren't they manufactured BEFORE Lance Armstrong had cancer?

This is nothing at all against Mr. Armstrong.
This is a gripe with our human mindset.
There are thousands of organizations out there like Livestrong that help people.
Except a vast majority of them were started by people who have been through the same troubles as the people the organizations help.
Here's my question to you:

Why can't we start organizations to help people without first experiencing what they feel?
Why did it take getting cancer to make Lance Armstrong start his foundation?
Why is it that the parents of children with obscure, incurable diseases are always the ones trying to find the answers?

Why couldn't Lance Armstrong have sat down one day, pre-cancer, and say, "i think i'm going to start a foundation to raise money for cancer research."?

This is what i'm talking about.

All you have to do is listen to teenage girls for a little while: they are completely uninterested in their friends until they say, "my dog died last night", and then it's all, "awww, my dog died 2 years ago and i cried for 3 weeks!!!"
People in general have a hard time with empathy.
We find it difficult to think about the every day struggles of anyone other than ourselves.

Paul wrote to the church in Rome:
"Let no debt be outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments, 'Do not commit adultery,' 'Do not murder,' 'Do not steal,' 'Do not covet,' and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." [Romans 13:8-10]

This is one thing i believe we can all do.
It's not that hard to love each other.

On people, part one

A lot has been said about what people do in their cars while driving. People have talked about witnessing commuters shaving, eating full-course meals, and reading newspapers while in traffic. This fascinates me. Not that people are so desperately deprived of time for these things, but that they are put on display for everyone to see.

Ever since i was little, i've imagined that there is a bubble around every car on the highway. As we drift past vehicles in the other lanes, for a brief moment we are traveling on the same road at the same speed, in the same place at the same time. I always glance at that person in the other car, not to be nosy, but to see if they glance back: to see if they are just as interested in my life as I am in theirs. For that short time, your lives are connected, and that glance is all the communication you will ever have with that person. In the age of facebook, where a mere acquaintance can be labeled as a "friend" and remembered forever, this is a powerful concept. You only have a few seconds to meet this person, and only a few seconds to realize that their life isn't that different than your own. They, too have much too much to do and much too little time to do it in. They, too, are overwhelmed with thoughts and plans.
Here in America, we are famous for busying ourselves. Employers in Britain are required to give their workers 20 days of paid vacation time per year; the average in America is half that. We like to complicate our lives and stretch ourselves too thin.
We worry about our lives a whole lot.
But hardly ever do we worry about people.

I'm not talking about people you know well, or even only vaguely know. Everyone cares about their friends. But to a certain extent, that's just the same as caring about ourselves: our friends are part of our lives. Caring about them is, in effect, caring about ourselves. Never do we think about the lives of others- those people we pass on the highway, those people who we don't know, and whose lives couldn't possibly affect our own. After a few seconds, their life is once again unimportant to us. We go on with our day as normal, unaware of the condition of that individual. This is something that I would like to unsubscribe to.

On Twelve Hours

Today was an incredible day.
My parents are out of town until tomorrow afternoon, and as such i've had to take care of myself.
There was also a sectional youth rally in Tilton today, which we were going to take a bus to from the church:

The day started at effectively 11:00. That was after i'd fully woken up, taken the dog out, fed him, took a shower, etc.
I ate some pizza, finished glueing my speakers back together after re-foaming the surrounds, listened to the recording of last night's uturn, and did a little lazing around until about 2:00.
2:00 found at Somersworth's pumpkin fest.
Here's how that went:
I parked the car, walked around for about 5 minutes, then left again.

As I was leaving downtown somersworth, i decided that i didn't want to, or have reason, to go straight home.
So I spent half an hour or so perusing the backroads of somersworth, enjoying some alone time.
I thought, "how nice is this to just drive around?"

Little did i know what would come later.

After i got home, I did a little housekeeping on my music library, and started re-syncing my mp3 player.
While that was going on, i vacuumed the car, put the speaker box back together, and tried it out. I was pretty excited to leave for the sectional youth rally at 4:10.
Except my mp3 player wasn't done syncing, so i waited for it.
And waited.
And waited.

4:20 rolled by, and it wasn't done.
So i pulled the plug and drove to barrington.
The bus was supposed to leave at 4:30, so i hurried along, only to have to wait for forever for traffic on route 125.

I get to the church at 4:35, and the Indonesian's are like, "they just left!!"
So, using the amazing power of cell phones, i find out that the bus is not far away, except now i'd have to drive to tilton my meself.

I spent the next 45 minutes or so on and off the phone getting directions on where to go- and all the time trying to catch up with the group. At one point, we used the mile markers on the highway to see that we were only 4 miles apart. But the whole time, i never saw them.
I watched the oil temp gauge hit the halfway mark as i was going down the highway as fast as reasonably achievable in a ford taurus.
I got to the tilton church about a minute after them, and then the rally got underway.

The message that the preacher gave was about standing up for what's right.
At the end there was an altar call, and i sat in my chair for the whole time thinking.
I like going up at altar calls, except sometimes i have a hard time thinking about what to go for. I spent the entire time trying to figure out a reason to stand up.
And then, when it was too late and everything was over, i figured it out:

At one point, the preacher mentioned something that seemed a little off-topic to his sermon.
He said that we need to be "A" students.
Not students in the academic sense, but students to God.
And sitting there, i thought about school.
I thought about how i don't get all As in my classes, and i thought about why.
I spend most of my days on "autopilot".
One time, my bass teacher got frustrated with me during a lesson.
We were playing a song with a cd, and i didn't have the notes memorized.
He said, "you're just reacting to the song. Try to anticipate what comes next."

That's exactly how i am in school.
I just go through my day reacting to what my teachers say, to what homework is, to what i'm supposed to be learning.
I just kind of scrape by under the radar.

And as i was thinking about this, i noticed that it's how i live my life, too.
I just kind of react to life.
I've been a christian all my life, and i kind of just do what feels natural to me, which is usually the right thing to do.
But it doesn't change the fact that its all just reactions.

I decided that i want to live in anticipation of what comes next, not waiting to see it first.
I want to live deliberately, thinking about everything i do.


I was hoping to be able to follow the bus home.
But that didn't happen because they left before i could eat my food at mcDonalds, and i also had to get gas.
I put $20 in at $2.99/gallon.

After spending a good half hour trying to decide how to go home, we figured i'd just backtrack the way i came.
So what if it was 10:00 out and had no idea where i was?
I seem to be doing a lot of blind driving lately, not really knowing how i'm going to get someplace.
Anyway, I got on the highway and discovered that i was completely alone.

There were no cars ahead of me, and no cars behind me.
I turned off the radio and started talking to God.
And i quickly felt like an idiot for thinking to myself, "its weird being lost and alone somewhere you've never been before"

I wasn't alone, i just finally had a chance to have one-on-one time, undistracted, with the greatest friend in the world.
At first, it was kind of weird.
I started thinking about being alone on a highway-seriously, no one was around.
I even thought about putting the car in neutral and seeing how long it would take to coast from a stop from 70mph.
But i didn't.
By the time i hit Route 9, though, it was different.
The road is curvey. I road the Epsom traffic circle a few times around for the fun of it.
It felt like the northwood countryside was almost a big playground that i was frolicking around in with my best friend.
It was like, "hang out time".

By the time i made it to barrington, it was 11:00 PM.
I rolled down all the windows and turned the heat on full blast.
Of those 12 hours, i spent 1/4 of my day in the car by myself.
And in that time, i realized how great it is that i can be alone without being alone.
And i decided to live my life deliberately.

I want to ride my bike to church tomorrow.
Let's see if i can wake up at 6.

On Repayment

Western culture, specifically that of America, can be described in a number of ways.
For example, our diet is high in simple sugars and processed foodstuffs, with nutrients added as an afterthought which makes us fat.
We have pride in our free market allowing anyone with enough determination to get whatever he so desires, be it fame, fortune, or early retirement.
And we are also marked by our independence; self-reliance, if you will.

The emphasis on "self" is everywhere in our world.
just watch an Axe or alcohol commercial and you get a feel for the self-centeredness that we are encouraged to employ in our everyday thoughts and actions.

The religious leaders around the year 40 AD were some of the most self-centered men of the time. They would jump at any opportunity to promote themselves or flout their greatness. They announced their generosity as loudly and obnoxiously as they could so that the general populace was aware of their giving.
But one day, Jesus was having dinner at the house of one of these religious leaders.
To their snobbish behavior, he told his host and the other guests this:

"When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous." [luke 3:12-14]

It's a shame we don't know what Jesus' voice sounded like when he said this, but I imagine he had an air of sarcasm when he noted that their friends could pay them back.
He is suggesting that it is bad to be repaid for inviting people to hour houses- that we should avoid doing things that put others in debt to us, and on top of that, to purposefully bless people who can't bless us back.

In our world of high-powered business and sociopaths, people are often seen as having "good character" if they tend to do things mutually. That is, "i'll help you out, and you can help me out later on." rather than first asking for money for a deed or service. But we are told here to take it a step further.
We are told to only give to those who can't give back, who aren't capable of helping us out down the road.
After all, what does mankind benefit if everything is done for a fee?
It's just another example of investing in eternity, which is looking more and more appealing every day with the $700 billion bailout going on and such.

On Third John

3 John is a small book near the back of the bible.
It is so small, in fact, that no one ever bothered to chop it up into chapters.
Contained within its 14 verses is a message of encouragement to a man, Gaius, who John was proud of for being so hospitable to christian travelers.
He also warns about another guy, Diotrephes, who made himself a church leader and goes about his job haughtily; he likes to run the show.
But was i was reading it last night, one verse stood out to me.
I looked all over for a commentary on it, but i didn't find a single one.
so i'm going to make my own.

3 John 1:11 states: "Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God."

Now, sure, this statement seems pretty logical.
Don't do bad things, do good things instead.

But here is where, when i read a single sentence, i sat up and had to think for a while:
"Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God."

Think about the elegant simplicity of that message.
We are surrounded by a world that is entrenched in evil and evildoings.
And in the midst of that, John tells us that anyone who has 'seen' God is incapable of doing evil.
Perhaps not physically incapable, but unwilling enough to make it to that point.
He's saying that God is so good, anyone who still does evil hasn't seen what he can do; his love; his devotion; his grace.

This is a tremendously encouraging idea.
It implies that all we need to do is be a light to people, to show them what God's love can really do, and anyone who truly understands it will want to have nothing to do with how they used to live their life.

On The Second Time I Saw Batman: Dark Night

Last weekend i saw batman again with some people.
After i saw it the first time, i wrote a blog about how Bruce Wayne uses his money for a useful purpose.

After seeing it a second time, i focused more on a couple of ideals presented by Christopher Nolan.

One thing that i've always tried to incorporate into my life is what the Joker lives by: that everyone always has a plan, and we're always happy when things go the way we expect them to. But that's boring and old.
He said to "introduce a little anarchy", but that's quite overkill, thank you very much.
I rather like removing myself from the box people put me in and showing them that i didn't fit in the first place.
And i've always liked not having a plan.

-------

One other thing that was said by Alfred i think was that the city of Gotham needed "more than a hero".
They didn't need someone who would follow the rules of "right" and "wrong".
They needed someone who would put an end to their problems for good, even if it meant doing things in a way that was frowned upon and that made him a Vigilante.

Paul wrote to Timothy once about how people would act in the "last days":
"They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth." [2 timothy 3:6-7]

That pretty well describes the situation in Gotham.
It also describes the situation in modern society.
And, coincidentally, the last part, "Always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth", also pertains to the attitude of Jewish leaders in Jesus' time.

They constantly wanted knowledge. They debated on a scholarly level.
But when Jesus came around, they were oblivious to what was standing before them.

In Romans 10, Paul says:
"Brothers, my heart's desire and prayer to God for Israelites is that they may be saved. For I can testify about them that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge. Since they did not know the righteousness that comes from God and sought to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness. Chris is the end of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes."

Paul said that Christ was "the end of the law".
He voided the Jewish law; made it obsolete.
And the religious leaders didn't realize this.

See, Jesus was way over their heads.
They were completely unprepared for what he was bringing.
He didn't play by the religious rules.

Just like how Gotham wasn't ready for Batman- he didn't play by the rules either.
Coincidentally, the only real opponent Batman has is the Joker-
A man who's entire existence is based off of anarchy and destruction.
Much like someone else we all know.

My point here is simple:
Batman and Jesus were both unrestrained by the law of the time.
They didn't play by the rules because they had a purpose far, far above them.
And most people of the time didn't recognize this.

On Responsibility

So last week we stayed in a hotel for 2 nights in Rochester, NY, while we helped my brother move back into college.
One of the first things i noticed when we got to the room was a little envelope on the table.
Here is a picture of it.




If the people seen on the streets of Rochester are any clue to demographics, Patty is probably a middle-aged single mother struggling to make ends meet.
And she has, by signature, claimed to be here to clean up my life's messes.
Or at least, whatever mess i make of that particular hotel room.


Let me tell you a story.
I've told it here before.
In Luke 16, Jesus told his disciples about a rich man and his servant.
This particular servant was in charge of managing the rich guy's money.
However, the servant had not been a good manager and had wasted his master's money.
So Rich Guy gives the notice that the servant is going to be fired.
Knowing that he is not going to survive well in the world of toilsome labor, the servant has to drum up a way to creek by after he's let go from the firm.
So he goes around to his soon-to-be-former master's debtors- the people that owe him money- and changes all their bills.
He knows that he's going to be fired, so he has nothing left to lose.
Now his master will be even more angry at him, BUT he'll have made friends and collected favors from people in the town.
That way, when he's in need, he only has to remind someone, "i gave you half your money back", and he's good for a few months.

Now, here's what happened:
"The master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly. For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light. I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings." [luke 16:8&9]

Jesus is proposing that, since the wealth of this world is temporary after all, why not use it for something useful?
We can bless the people around us, and what we lose on earth is made up for many times over in heaven.

But He goes on to say:
"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else's property, who will give you property of your own?"

We have responsibilities here.
In the grand scheme of things, there isn't a housekeeper who will gladly pick up our messes in exchange for some measly tips.
We have to be able to act in a way that is trustworthy to God, so that when we're done in our hotel room, we have a real place to stay.

More NY Recap

Yesterday i was too ridiculously tired to make a blog post, and i'm completely pooped today, too.
so i dont know how interesting this one will be.
Yesterday and today both consisted of dragging all around the city of Rochester, NY getting junk for my brother's second year at college.
We ate at a pretty good bbq place for lunch yesterday.
except the $7 sandwich i got was just big enough to make me more hungry.
I haven't had any time to do my homework cause i've been dragged around nonstop, and right now i'm rather miserable with a nasty headache and intense desire to pass out.

In my own life, i have discovered another justification for not moving away for college:
Currently, im at my aunt's house.
She lives about 10 minutes away from where my dad's family grew up in Schenectady, NY.
While we were going to the pizza place that has made my dad's favorite pizza since he was in highschool, he was driving around his old neighborhood... we looked at the house he grew up in, to which he remarked, "our house was really that small?"
He also found his old gradeschool, which appears to have been converted into an office complex, as well as his little league field.
He named off stores that haven't existed in a decade, some of which are still empty buildings in the dying town that used to be a bustle from General Electric's presence.
He rattled off the names of kids he grew up with- most of them ending with, "then we got into a fight and i never talked to him again"

In short, this is what i've decided.
I don't want to find myself in 30 years, driving down the streets of Dover and Somersworth, trying to remember all the times of my youth, recalling places i used to hang out with my friends.

I don't want to have fragments of memories, pieces of my life, attached to someplace that i no longer live in.
I don't want to move someplace new and have to make new friends, pushing my old ones out of my head to make room.
My life is pretty good right now; i don't need to escape to a new part of the country.

I don't like nostalgia.
Not because i don't like remembering the past- its good to go back sometimes and remember what life was like.
But sometimes it shouldn't exist in the first place.
The same way you should never have nostalgia about an ex-wife, i don't want to have nostalgia about where i used to live and the people i used to know.

Sure, you can point out all the flaws in my reasoning, but this makes sense to me.
I have a bunch more to talk about, but im gonna save it for sometime when i can think straight.
Like tomorrow or saturday night or something.

A Positive New York Blog

Since Freshman year, when i got a myspace account, i've documented every trip to the state of New York that my family has taken.
This consists of mostly the sad ramblings of a teenager stuck on Long Island in the confines of his grandmother's lonely-old-lady house.
This generally entails much talk of the latest unreasonable work that must be done during the already painful "vacation".

However, with my brother going to college in Rochester, NY, there is a new kind of New York Trip to document&183;
Though still family road trips, which are amongst the least favored of all activities, Rochester happens to be on the "good side" of the Empire State.

Long Island, where my grandma lives, is a veritable snob-fest.
We read a book in English class last year called The Great Gatsby, which fictionally documents a middle-class young man's experiences with the Rich and Famous in the vicinity.
The Island is only a few miles from Manhattan, and as such has a rather dense population.
Trees are few and far in between; the landscape is more-or-less grey from everything being paved.

Rochester, on the other hand, is in Upstate New York, only a couple-hour-drive from Buffalo, and a day trip's distance from Niagra.
Up and Downstate new york couldn't really be much different.
The swelter of Long Island gives way to the picturesque landscape of New England autumn, with gorgeous trees and temperate climate.
People are courteous on the streets unless you venture into the slums of the city.

But New York is still New York.
Not being at my Grandma's doesn't make up for the fact that i'm currently typing whilst crammed on the larger side of the 60/40 seats in my dad's Extended Cab F-150.
I'm leaning on two pillows to cover up the harsh protrusions of the door handle and windowframes, and in order to change my position I have to pull myself up from a hook on the seat.

Lack of Amenities aside, the good part about roadtrips in general is still here: being in a car.
8 hours is a long time, but nothing beats watching the road go by at 80 miles per hour for thinking, atrophying, and justifying long naps.

Besides bringing Dave all his junk for the year (dave flew up a couple days ago), my parents are making me do interviews at my brother's school and then at RPI, which is in Troy.
But i dont think i want to go to either school.
I'd rather just stick around home, where Uturn is going to grow, and where Kindle is going to get better at writing songs.
At the same time, i could let all the growing happen while i'm in college, and then just come back after i graduate.
But that doesn't seem like a good plan to me.

Trying to decipher the future seems pretty useless.
If i were to ask any adult right now if they had any inkling that they'd be where they are when they were deciding on college, i'd get a "no way, kid" answer.
I have absolutely no idea where i'll be, who i'll depend on, who'll depend on me, or what i'll be doing to support those dependencies in 5 years.
5 years and i'll be completely done with school.
I'll be entering the workforce as an eager wage-earner.
I'll be searching for a cheap apartment.

I just hope that i'll be where i'm supposed to be.


Anyway, my point was that driving makes me think.
Actually, movement in general makes me think.
When i talk on the phone i pace in circles.
It helps me to concentrate when my surroundings aren't constant.

But being on the road always lends itself to me thinking of the future and progression.
It makes me want to go out and lead my life, to get on with it.
To make an impact, to make a difference.
I want to go places, and not just physically.

I had a sheet of paper last year that i found this morning whilst rooting through my backpack.
On it i had written a bunch of thoughts that had come to me at random times, with intents to write blogs on some of them.
Almost the whole first side of the page was about roads.
One line read:
"Let's drag race down the straight and narrow"

Our walk with God is often paralleled with a road or path.
Jesus described this as the "narrow gate" which leads to a straight path that is difficult to stay on.

But i think that we can be competitive in our relationship with Jesus.
By that i mean that, as Christians, we can-and should- push each other to grow.
Beyond "accountability partners", which seems to entail keeping each other in check, almost passively, i'm talking about actively pushing each other, the same way you push each other on a sports team to work harder and longer.
Just like how people drag race each other on highways to get to the destination faster.

On Treasures

There's a MuteMath song that we've played at uturn a few times now.
It's called "You are Mine", and the first verse reads as such:

Everyone has their obsession
Consuming thoughts, consuming time
They hold high their prized possession
That defines the meaning of their lives

Now, being as how MuteMath filed a lawsuit with Warner Records a few years ago because they were being marketed as a christian band, it's not really clear if Paul Meany is talking about God or a girl.
BUT, we sing it as a worship song.

Anyway, the point of the song is that every person has something/s in their life that is a complete obsession-so much so that it determines how they act, how they carry out their life, and how they think and reason.

For many people, we can call that thing a relationship with some person or a group of people.
For many near-hopeless americans, it's money.
Others, even, spend their entire lives in the "Pursuit of Happiness", the elusive and tantalizing ideal brought forth in the Declaration of Independence.

Plenty of people are obsessed with things.
Here's some examples:
Beer Cans
Lawn Mowers
Children

Jesus had some good words to say about obsession:
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21

The things we value most are tied into our emotions, our thoughts, and our actions.
When we value lawnmowers, we start collecting them and let them sit in our yard.

But when we value our place in heaven and our relationship with God, we start living in a Christ-like manner. We love each other. We witness to people. We plant churches.

Andy's neighbor is a moron.
We don't have to be.

On Batman and Video Games

Human society has been creating paradoxes for centuries.
In fact, one could argue that it is a paradox for us to live in organized society; just read Ishmael by Daniel Quinn.

Perhaps one of the more recent additions to Humanity's ever-growing paradoxical activities is the creation of the MMORPG.
Most of you in my age bracket will instantly think of Runescape with horrified nostalgia.
The MMORPG has taken human interaction and removed the human aspect of it.
You walk/fly around a completely virtual world with countless other people doing the same things.
You never see people face-to-face, but you talk to them and interact in the game.
Games have changed the way humans interact with each other; they have a negative impact on how we communicate in person, but a positive impact on how we organize and collaborate.

But what i find most interesting about MMORPGs is the time and energy that people are willing to commit to them.
Millions of Americans spend hours per day making money and building skills in WOW.
People in Korea have DIED from playing games nonstop.
That's an investment of 100% of their life.
That means that building their character in the game was more important than building their lives in real life.

It's disturbing.
But as much as there's counseling for game addictions and people willing to spend hundreds of dollars on in-game items, literally BILLIONS of people are walking around life exactly like those Koreans who refuse to eat or drink anything other than pizza and red bull.

We think it's ridiculous that people spend so much time in fake, man-made universes.
But we spend all our time in the world.
"Real Life" isn't as real as people think it is.

Check out the great words of King Solomon:
"What does man gain from all his labor at which he toils under the sun? Generations come and generations go, but the earth remains forever.
The sun rises and the sun sets, and hurries back to where it rises.
The wind blows to the south and turns to the north; round and round it goes, ever returning on its course.
All streams flow into the sea, yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from, there they return again.
All things are wearisome, more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing.
What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun." [Ecclesiastes 1:3-9, NIV]

Do the last few sentences seem familiar?
There are a couple million people playing WOW right now, and they're all doing the same exact thing.
Sure, they go about it in different ways, but they all have similar objectives and go through similar steps.
There isn't a whole lot of room for innovation; not a lot of room to do something new- you just follow the rules of the game.

That's how life is, too.
You go through the motions: get an education, get a job, make money, get married, start a family, keep trying to make money, die, pass the torch on to your kids...
Not a whole lot else happens.
From Solomon's perspective, the whole thing is kind of a drag.
Why even bother with life?

Bother because theres a whole lot more out there to live for than ourselves.

In Batman: Dark Night, they do a good job of portraying how ridiculously rich Bruce Wayne is.
But what makes Bruce Wayne different from everyone else is how he uses his money.
All the mobsters only want money to have it; its all greed.
Bruce uses his money to fight evil and bring peace to Gotham.
Having money wasn't important to him.
It was only a tool used for a higher purpose.

Likewise, the things of the world shouldn't mean anything to us.
We should have as much invested in this place as a kid playing a video game.
Because the only use the things of the world are to us are as a tool to save the lost; what else is there to do with yourself?

In Isaiah 55:1&2, God says, "Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters;
and you who have no money, come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare."

The important part of life has nothing to do with what we have or don't have.
You can be a homeless bum and still be better off than people who have it all.
And like Bruce Wayne, why spend effort on useless junk?
spend it on what actually makes a difference.

On Multitasking

New York has a law that you can't talk on a cell phone while you're driving unless you have a headset.
Presumably, this is to ensure that drivers keep both hands on the wheel.

But there was some study conducted about phone use, and that when you're talking on the phone to someone, your brain functions differently than if you were talking to them in person. This is because you don't have the facial expressions and such that come with face-time, so your brain has to interpolate them.
Oddly enough, this is the same part of your brain that you need for driving.
In short, using your cell phone makes you less able to concentrate on driving.
But we all knew that.


Have you ever been in a car with someone who is a sucker for yard sales?
They drive by a lawn and slow down so they can get a glimpse of the goods; if it's worth it, they stop by and get a closer look.
Or maybe even just driving by a countryside, and you look out the window at the scenery.
You maybe slow down a little bit, get more relaxed, and don't worry about the road so much.

Here's something else you should know:
People say all the time that "life is a journey; the destination isn't so much important as the experience of getting there" or somesuch to that idea.
I've always had an issue with people who say that.
Because to me, life is more than a journey.
Life has a purpose; a point.

We are driving on a road that is about a lot more than pretty scenery.

When we refer to Jesus' way as the "straight and narrow", i can't help but think about those driving distractions that i mentioned a few lines up; cell phones, yard sales, pretty flowers, traffic... it takes our mind off the road.
And when you're not paying full attention to the road, you can trip up a little.
Maybe you find yourself drifting out of the lane, or slowing down.
That's not something that should happen to our walks with God.

But it feels like in (cliche alert) today's world, we are bombarded with distractions.
TV, computers, friends and family, the mere constant tug of society.
I equate that all to your phone ringing in the car, or an accident in another lane that draws your attention away from in front of you.
We have such a hard time staying focused on the road, which is straight anyway.
Straight is the easiest direction to drive in, but i know i find myself turning all the times... making turns that shouldn't exist.
Getting myself lost on the (cliche again) road of life.

I had a lot more to write that actually made sense and didn't just spit out random cliches that everyone already knows, i just can't remember it right now... if we can manage to keep ourselves un-distracted for a little bit, we could just gun it down the highway instead of plodding around the slow lane.
I want to go as fast as i can because the Father is at the end of the road.
I know it's called a "walk", but walking feels too slow.